• Humour The Dog Commandments:
  • The Dog Commandments:

  • THINGS THAT DOGS AND PUPPIES MUST ALWAYS REMEMBER:

    I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet.

    The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

    I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m lying under the coffee table.

    I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

    I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

    I will not eat the cats’ food, before or after they eat it.

    I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.

    I will not throw up in the car.

    I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

    I will not lick my human’s face after eating animal poop.

    “Kitty box crunchies” are not food.

    I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.

    The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

    I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.

    I will not chew my human’s toothbrush and not tell them.

    I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.

    When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it’s raining outside.

    We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

    I will not steal my Mom’s underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.

    The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad’s laps.

    My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

    I will not bite the officer’s hand when he reaches in for Mom’s driver’s license and car registration.